i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
