it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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