oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
