I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
