Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
