Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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