I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Randomize
