You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
