I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
