You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
