That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
