I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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