so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Drake has all the answers
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
