what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
as a side note pls kill me
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize