You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
