i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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