Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
