right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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