what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
