Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
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