Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
