clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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