if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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