btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
