you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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