Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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