remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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