isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
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Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
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He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He did a backflip because drugs
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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