wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
