look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
