dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
