her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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