Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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