Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
"it" just moved
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
