when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
