So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
