dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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