your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
