my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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