just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
