I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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