you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
