I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
