whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
