there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
