Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
