The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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