I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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