I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
