as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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