I looked at my own cervix.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
