My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize