I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
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Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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