So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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