in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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