my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
