i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT