Texts From Last Night

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  (415): View more from California

  Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.

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  (415): Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events. http://tfl.nu/5em3
  Replies (16) Good night (2232) Bad night (795)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?

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  (239): Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed? http://tfl.nu/9or7
  Replies (7) Good night (776) Bad night (2365)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?

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  (251): Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl? http://tfl.nu/mkwq
  Replies (38) Good night (989) Bad night (3800)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask

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  (647): I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask http://tfl.nu/g6ag
  Replies (10) Good night (1574) Bad night (2958)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?

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  (330): Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home? http://tfl.nu/9062
  Replies (12) Good night (4228) Bad night (879)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.

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  (402): He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart. http://tfl.nu/f1o2
  Replies (5) Good night (2425) Bad night (1058)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob

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  (406): you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob http://tfl.nu/ha8t
  Replies (9) Good night (2937) Bad night (933)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH

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  (630): IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH http://tfl.nu/xsxl
  Replies (3) Good night (1647) Bad night (620)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again

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  (570): I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again http://tfl.nu/qatr
  Replies (8) Good night (2040) Bad night (687)
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  (681): View more from West Virginia

  Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.

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  (681): Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no. http://tfl.nu/cmwe
  Replies (12) Good night (1754) Bad night (456)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.

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  (970): Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die. http://tfl.nu/55zi
  Replies (4) Good night (733) Bad night (407)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.

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  (701): I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/y1uj
  Replies (0) Good night (326) Bad night (335)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San

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  (847): Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San http://tfl.nu/3b2q
  Replies (1) Good night (545) Bad night (347)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM

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  (+61): A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM http://tfl.nu/lo1g
  Replies (2) Good night (716) Bad night (285)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.

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  (425): Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting. http://tfl.nu/at9f
  Replies (4) Good night (627) Bad night (141)

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