I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.