Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
