he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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