i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
