Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
