so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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