I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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