i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
