My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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