the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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