I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
