Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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