Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I have fence marks all over my body
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
