No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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