Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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