Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
