He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
