she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
