the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
